I miss sleep (92-94)

tonight Im going to try and sleep before 3am, so Im starting the long slog to unconsciousness early so If theres a lack of words, I'll fix that soon

*le sigh* (88-91)

tonight I don' t feel like many words but I will post these and maybe say more tomorrow.

Christmas wishes (86&87)

This first song could be directed at you or someone new. This one is also walking the wall. 

This second song is saying basicly I can't say in just a few words, in just a few pictures, how much we could miss out on if we don't give life a chance.  you and me a chance, either as what on half of my heart wants, or what would be good for us both, friends who are always there when we need, not always when we want. But Really this week, Ive been wanting the first thing, for that second chance.  but at least its not something I can;t picture my life without now, I just have to work hard at it is all. 
here is a cover of it I liked, if you didnt like the first version

Suns rays and dreams (84&85)

Today I feel like going country, and I've been trying to steer clear of one of your favorites more or less.  Because if you ever find your way here I don't want you to know I picked the songs for reasons, not because they sounded like a win you back song or are ones I know you might like.  If I was doing that there would be no Adele in sight, amongst other things probably.  but today has a split like yesterday. so here they are.

I may be leaning away from your favorite country artists with a accent...not entirely country.  But this one is one of mine.  With this song the level talking about moving on, about just not having to have the plans for someone else is the half of me trying to look away from you.  Just have a listen, I'm sure you will understand what I mean

maybe someday I'll be able to take off that ring entirely but I can't.  I don't feel as wrong not wearing it everyday on my left hand but I still wear it.  I always know where it is, and I always think about putting it on the moment I have my hand on the front door.

Now for the second song.  This one I don't really have to say much it's kinda self explanatory like the last one there still is that split within the song.

Also, you know the one overriding reason I haven't joined the service, its not because Im scared of being injured or even of dieing, its if you and me ever had a shot again or when we were together, of doing that to you.  Of putting you through the hell of worrying  or of dealing with seeing me that injured.  And most of all of dieing on you. That is one thing I would never do to you and you know one reason why, I won't say why here but... well with you I'd be with you until you go and than a week later I think Id be gone too. Because by that time, my wrinkle sack of bones wouldn't be able to function without you in his life.

Life, I;m going to take of the blinders off for a bit (81-83)

Im finally able to post videos again.  I still don't know what was going on.  So now I will be trying to post at least two a day, consider one a post from the tardis and the other that days.  So here's today's.

Its kinda funny its been pretty much 2 years.  Obviously not a funny haha.  But I'm finally not torn apart every day because of it. And when I am its usually just a deep ache, usually.  Now comes the time where I have to wall off.  Now I have two halves of my heart.  There is the half that still loves you, and will always do; than theres the half that is just open for what the world has for me. And you know I hope that there is some day where I can listen to the half that loves you and fall for you again.  Now though I have to listen to the other and hold to the hope that someone will make it grow to where it dwarfs the other and you and I can just be friends in my heart.  But what I said was true when I say those three words I mean them always and forever.

For now I walk the wall between my two halves, and I guess these two songs are kind of what they are

The half that still loves you

maybe some day you'll feel that loneliness you see in this girl and you know what I was there and if we tried could be there to fill that, and make your heart swell again.

And then there's the part of me that wants to listen to what some others say and just go out and find someone new.  This is as close as I could get, the song I heard I was driving so I couldn't write it down but basically, fall in love again, but with someone new

now the bonus song I heard today.  I heard it and I just thought we could, we could live like never before, its not like it was back then, and there's something about just the way the song sounds...its like although the lyrics may be only half right. or more complicated than it sounds to begin with but its there.  That feeling of blue hope.  I don't know, maybe when  there is anther chance I'll sing hallelujah and have it mean what it really should mean. I don't mean what it should mean in a church, but what it should mean everyday.  Just listen to how it sounds and maybe you'll get what I'm saying

update

still unable to post videos, I guess I'll have to start indulging my Techie side to figure out why and then fix the problem.

Lyrtcal lumination ( The Seventy Nineth)

If you were a melody you'd be playing every day, I just can't keep it out no matter how hard I try.

Bass Relief ( The Seventy Eigth)

Basically this is a mishmash of all the things I think, would do and wish ytou would do the same for me...I might edit this later but I have a guy who keeps trying to read over my shoulder in the library

Bucaroo ( The Seventy Sixth)

You played this while I was over at your place once, and when I got to hang out with the little kids at the wedding including a precocious three year old who fell in love with my dad and me, she wouldn't even leave when grandma came to take her away, I couldnt help but think of this song.  I thought about how I wanna be that man who his son and daughter look at and say I wanna be like you.  Where Im a good enough man for them to just follow me around and imitate what I do, where I spend time with them in the garage doing projects and taking 'em out for a drive just me and them time that's where I want to be.  And when Im there I want you to be the one looking out the window while were putting up a fence or working on a care or just puttering around the yard or coming in from a drive, and you won't be able to help but smile to yourself.  I want it if its our kids some day in the future that I run into them praying like I do, like I'm just talking to a friend who I can lean on.

Im no crook I'll walk in the front door (The Sevety Fifth)

I have been without internet since I left for my cousins wedding but I have had the time to write down the songs and what I wanted to say about them.  So here's the first one Ill post but not the first one I wrote.  Its funny you sometimes say you're just you there isnt anything special about that.  And thats the very reason you are special.  not everything about you is perfect haha some of the things you do are the exact opposite for a while but all these imperfect things make up you and that's something fantastic.  And so far and hopefully not yet all the other guys who have been lucky enough to have you by their side have been lets say idiots men not worth a good woman or just who couldn't see all of you with the blinders off and see how amazing you can be.  So I hope I can be the last one, that one who doesn't steal your heart but that you hand over so I can walk it down the aisle and with you for the rest of our lives.

just listen (The Seventy Fourth)

Just listen and maybe listen to a cover of the Adele song that's like this one (cause I just found out you dont like her voice. good thing your sitting right next to me

Its how it is, Am I still going to hang onto a maybe ( The seventy third)

You may be with someone else for now, you may have my heart still and it may be easy for you to get someone else's.  It really kinda like this song and its kinda why my mind just wont let me sleep

Five Bottles ( The Seventy Second)

you called tonight.  I wanted to do what happened the last time I got a call like this one.  And then I played this song

Powerful voice ( The seventy first)

I just want to remind you that for me its...I'll just let The song speak from there.  And for those casual readers, and maybe for you, if you've ever had your heart broken your about to be reminded of it.

seventy

listless mind sleepless night (The Seventieth)

so if you have been reading this from the beginning you should know that I dont really consider it a new day for the posting unless I sleep That's why this post may seem late.  I haven't so here's what I would have posted earlier.  The song is and old one I haven't heard in a while but it made me think.  I know I keep saying it made me think but thats the very reason I have sleepless nights I can't stop thinking.  This time it was about what I said earlier, how every time that I have doubt in myself or a moment of impending weakness I see you, the reason I want to be more than I am now and always better. so have a listen and know that every time I made you cry or someone else has made you feel less than you are because I screwed up and let you go; For all of that, I Am sorry.  I wish to never let it happen again, but that, my dear, is up to you to let me try.

Blue Tape? ( The Sixty Nineth)

Today I was packing to move into my new townhouse and I ran across something I way back in anthropology while you were sitting next to me... and sometimes I still feel exactly the same. I'd write it on here but Im not sure I want to just yet.  I do want to say that I know how you feel with these weddings happening and our friends starting families or being in fantastic relationships.  And its hard for me not to just be with someone whose a good woman but its harder still to let go of you.  And people may say I can't be your love and even you might say it but my heart can pretty much only say this...I wanna be that knight or king that comes in and takes you away from...well just listen to what it has to say

a little journey (The Sixty Eighth)

eighth

Eye's seeing closed (The Sixty Seventh)

we are all of us unfinished until the day we leave this world.  We are continually reinventing little bits and pieces of our selves every time we do or even hear something, maybe reaffirming bits of ourselves or changing them a bit.  Well when you left I gotta say I felt like a big part of me was just gone, dead in a way.  And with that cam a time when I didn't know who I was or where I was going to go from there.  And when that happened Id have a dream waking or no.  sometimes the same sometimes utterly different I told you about one or two of them...But it started to work its way through me and reaffirm who I was and who I was trying to become, the man I was striving to be.  And that happens even now when I'm pretty sure of all these things.  Anytime I start feeling doubt or sadness or emptiness about that or because your gone eventually that dream comes or I close my eyes and see you and my resolve to become better is iron and my faith strengthened and I become more at piece.  Its not perfect but it helps more than you can know.  Just listen to the song and know a little bit about it.

Warmth and reason (The Sixty Sixth)

A few days ago when driving back with my inebriated relatives (yay for being the dependable generous one) Amidst the laughing and the funny things they do under the influence this song came on the radio and it made me think about you.  I don't mind when you call for no reason or because you just need to talk to me about something, or cause you just cant sleep.  I even cherish those times.  I know this song is cheesy but none the less true. And it doesnt have to do with one simple thing like the way you look, the way your voice sounds or  "the perfume that you wear" even though any one of those shoot right through me. It's because it's you, and I mean every bit of you.  and if you are reading this please forgive the vids cheese I thought it better than neon colors or poor sound quality.

Stepping stones in the grass (The Sixty Fifth)

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, we all have.  But every time I hear this song I think of you, not anyone else nor any other shortcoming or mistake.  Just you, cause with out you it feels like my furnace ain't burnin'

take your pick of which version you listen to.first one is Springsteen the other is Kenny Chesney at the link below (sorry youtube wasn't cooperating)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXhEkj17gnM

How can we move forwards and backwards at the same time ( The Sixty Fourth)

Its funny I already know what the next song will be and it will have to do with this.  We are closer than we have been in a long time.  I hear about things in your life, we actually just talk on the phone sometimes for no particular reason.  And yet there's still this chance that I'm losing you. I know its selfish but this you are the only thing Im really at all selfish for.  Someones in trouble I give them the shirt of my back.  but with you I don't want anyone to fill the place beside you. so just with todays song listen to a bit about how this fight feels...

And if it really is you reading this, I want you to watch the real video..I think it shows you better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvYfg43EFNU&ob=av2n

Even So ( The Sixty Third)

you call me and talk about a man who is nice, who you don't about... well that kills me.  I am here for you and I will work my hardest to make you happy though it damn near kills me.  but I don't run.  It would be easy for someone in my shoes to run into another woman's arms but I can't.  Its harder for me to turn my back on you than to turn my back on the lashes I get day in and out in the back of my mind or in the front of my heart.  I won't run from this fight. 

,Someday, I hope that you find my fight worth it.

Why get away from the country ( The Sixty Second)

Today's post could have been one of two songs, and since there are a lot of country songs on here already I thought I'd not buck the trend. So here's one.  And by the way you are the girl who does bring my whole world stop.  And if you ever wonder about the d.i.d. calls, remember that dream I told you about where my whole world really did stop.

lol this music and these lyrics...way brighter than that dream

New Post New Song, same message in a sense (The Sixty First)

To me it is real, to me it is big, larger than any obstacle that could bar your dreams.

Sixty Track update

60). She will be Loved- Maroon 5
59). I Should Be Sleeping- Emerson Drive
58). Stupid Boy- Keith Urban
57). I Miss You- Incubus
56). All For You- Keith Urban
55). Relentless- Jason Aldean
54). Meant something to me- Tyler Hilton
53). The Rescue- Tyler Ward
52). Echo- Incubus
51). Valiant- The Spill Canvas
50). Orange Sky- Alexi Murdoch
49). Powerful Stuff- Sean Hayes
48). Gravity- Josh Turner
47). No Envy, No Fear- Joshua Raidin
46). Praise you- Fatboy Slim
45). Mad World- Gary Jules
44). Bullet Proof- La Roux
43). Up Late Again- Tyler Hilton
42). Long Hot Summer- Keith Urban
41). The Truth- The Spill Canvas
40). Ain't No Woman Like You- Trace Adkins
39). Somewhere With You- Tyler Ward cover (original artist Kenny Chesney)
38). Thinking Of You- Christian Kane
37). My love Will Follow You- Dierks Bently
36). I Won't Look Back- NeedtoBreathe
35). Nicest Thing- Kate Nash
34). Just The way You Are- Billy Joel
33). Endlessly- Green River Ordinance
32). Stuck In The Waltz- Moddi
31). Insomnia- Tyler Hilton
30). Open Season On My Heart- Tim McGraw
29). Inches And Fallin- The Format
28)The Way I am- Ingrid Michaelson
27). Distant Shore- Dierks Bentley
26). A Long Trip Alone- Dierks Bentley
25). For You I Will-Teddy Geiger
24). God Made Woman- Keith Urban
23). For You- Duncan Sheik
22). Hands Down- Jake Coco Cover (Original Artist Dashboard Confessional)
21). Fire Flies- Owl City
20). You'll Ask For Me- Tyler Hilton
19). Back to December- Jake Coco Cover (original artist Taylor Swift)
18). Just A Kiss- Lady Antebellum
17). Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol
16). I could Fall- Evan&Jaron
15). Two Is Better Than One- Michael Henry& Justin Robinett cover (original boys like girls)
14). Modern Love- Matt Nathanson
13). Something Inside- Jonathan Rhys Meyers
12). Stars In Our Eyes, and Mario Kart Love Song-  Sam Hart
11). I Didn't Know- Alex Lambert
10). One In A Million- Ne-yo
09). The Man Who Can't Be Moved- Straight No Chaser Cover and Original (The Script)
08). Lullaby- The Spill Canvas
07). Dancing In the Minfield- Andrew Peterson
06). Our Song- The Spill Canvas
05). Make You Feel My Love- Adelle
04). Elephant- Damien Rice
03). Little Lion Man- Mumford & Sons
02). Every Time I Hear Your Name- Keith Anderson
01). Kill- Jimmy Eat World

not 18 anymore ( the Sixtieth)

Im going to ask you something, probably next time I see you even.  I may always be here for you, I will catch you when you fall, support you when you choose to belong to someone else while we aren't a we, I will always make you feel beautiful and every bit as special you are.  But never label me as friend it will never be that simple.  If you have to label me label me with my name, even though the first one is common I got four names and all together its a label for everything me.  I want the label to be just that you are you and me, well Im just be and what we are to each other is something more than just friends.  Like if we were what people call boyfriend and girlfriend it would be something MORE than just dating no matter how slow we started that.  Anyways with me you will be loved.

should be's ( The Fifty Nineth)

I should be but its true I should be sleepin stead of daydreaming or just thinking about you. but it happens all the time

hindsight ( the Fifty Eighth)

I didn't make all the same mistakes that the stupid boy in the song made but I might as well have.  I pushed in a few places I shouldn't and was lax in some places I shouldn't.  Even though Im not that stupid boy anymore  I still want to be the one you yell at your phone "stupid boy text me back" I wish I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing at the beginning but I would only change when we were apart, that year I was gone, that year that was harder than any before it.  But I won't and this stupid boy who isn't as stupid as he once was wants the silly girl that you have grown into.  You are a woman of quality and I want to see you become more each day just by being yourself.  I miss you.

Surface Area (The Fifty Seventh)

The mind can play on the senses.  Sometimes you see what you want most right next to you even though its not really there, like a dream in the waking world so real you can breath in the aroma and feel it on your skin.  Even though your not here I still wake up sometimes with eye's half closed and can almost see you across from me, every line on your face gone in the peace of sleep and a smile twitching the corners of your mouth from some pleasant dream.  You've never had your nightmares with me.  I wake up and wish you were there hard enough that it aches.  Then I blink and you're gone, I blink and I can't smell you on the pillow next to be, I blink again and I ache only half as much, I blink again and its just dulled sense of something missing in the middle of my chest, I blink one more time and I roll out of bed and start my day

It just IS ( The Fifty Sixth)

Ive been steering clear of this artist because I don't just want to use him because he's one of your favorites.  But when its something so true I just have to say it, I just have to use Keith to tell you. There's a simple fact and its that the man I am and the man I am becoming well... Just listen and know that this is how it is for me and that its not really changing just not as urgent as it once was, much more patient much more kind, much more understanding....But it is all for you if you would just choose it.

A Runners try (The Fifty Fifth)

replace your love with the part of me that still loves you and what could be and yeah it is

That look (really the Fifty Fourth)

I love the look on your face after I've kissed you...

Aid in You ding it for yourself (The Fifty Fifth)

You rescue me from myself when you just are being you with me.  You give me the strength to do anything, let me in and I'll lend you that strength right back ten fold if not more.

Fear of second chances (THe Fifty Fourth)

Thanks Jordan

pebble in the vault ( the Fifty Third)

There's this part of me locked away by my mind that wishes I could ask you what this song asks you today and you'd say yes without a hesitation.  But this part also knows that now is not the time no matter how much it wants to.  It knows that we could but its tempered by the rest of me that knows that its just one potential no matter how true it feels.  All this means that its what I see in you, the white dress the tux, the first house, all those things we both want so much but only one of us knows someone who they could have it with.  I hope that theres some part that knows that in you no matter how deaf you are to it and how little you look at it to see it desperately signing...maybe its signing in Russian sign language and you just don't grasp it yet anyways...you'd be interested to know how many "jealous zombies" there are of you even if they don't know your name.

The color Orange (The fifty second)

I have been less wordy more and more frequently, not because there is less to say but because I think you, the one I am really writing this for, would prefer it that way.  In that spirit

rock fire (The fifty first)

just listen I might explain my title choice later

They ask and I can't answer ( The Fiftieth)

People keep asking me  whats new are there any new woman in your life.  And do you know what goes through my head, not a single thing but you.  Not just a picture of you but everything thats ever happened between us and everything that might have.  I want to just tell someone anyone the whole of it.  I want to say how ever since you left and I let you I have felt like there's a piece of me, not just a piece of my life, of ME, missing. 

So when they ask me if there's any new women in my life whats new with me, and all this things rush through my mind I just shrug and say "not much just doing my thing what about you?

I miss...this( The Forty Ninth)

I just wanna say I this like that Desert flower,  It misses the rain... And really I miss this, just this.

This song is another facet of what Im thinking about this...I just feel at peace when you and I just are our selves together.  I just...I miss that as well...

Your Mother says ( the Forty Seventh)

You know what is said what you deserve; someone who opens doors, who takes you as a priority, who puts you up on the pedestal you deserve (not the one undeserved and only for someone perfect) someone who loves your imperfections, someone who is sweet, kind, romantic, the kind of person who would drive all the way from Portland to Albany just to drop off your favorite Starbucks drink for summer just the way you like it (two extra pumps of  syrup) just because you had been having a bad week.  You know someone exactly like that, just you have a rule against second chances.  Well I want you to break that rule like you made me break the only promise I will break with you.  and you'll get what you deserve and more.  not in a flood, but for as long as I can fight for it, and I have the patience to wear down mountains where you are concerned.

Run in a circle to get farther (The Forty Sixth)

I find it kinda funny the dreams in which I am dying with you are the best I ever had (you me and we're at least 93)
I find it kinda of hard to tell you I find it hard to take where things are.  Every thing about you and everything about me.
we're waiting for the day we feel good? the day when we have some of the simple things we want. we could have that together all those things that have been happening around us can grow from one simple decision 

I run in these circles you run in many the same and the lesson is we can run them together and change their course...Its just a mad world...

Conditioning (the Forty Fifth)

I have grown a lot stronger in our time apart mentally and physically apart... so maybe if we get another go...

cause Im pretty much bulletproof from everyone but you

Kats 3: ( the Forty fourth)

still awake...havent slept. so by my counts its still on time. explanationsa for the past two coming late...past out time...now?

Placing smiles ( the Forty third)

Title semi unrelated.

Concert? damn (the forty second

there are missed opportunities and misconceptions...I hope you are not one of them...

a day of ain'ts (The Forty First)

today I had the unfortunate task f getting paint primer out of my hair.  While I was doing it song after song cam on from an ipod on shuffle with ain't in the title.  I felt the world had presented me with a theme. So first I'm going to lay down a few things that are in the ain't category and then give you a video and song...that was hard to track down.
I ain't like an asshole to string you along.  You know what I have wanted for a long time.  I ain't after just something for the moment, but I don't want to jump ahead I want to take it slow and make every moment with you last and enjoy you just being around.  I ain't like those who have hurt you since I left, or those who hurt you before.  I ain't as stupid as I once was....

and there aint no woman like you

best I could do without making a video it was basically either this or furry fan art

when they shut. (the Fortieth)

I am not part of that 85 percent just look back at post from the Tardis 12

It started with Angel (The Thirty Ninth)

Its hard to let go of something or someone when they're on your mind almost all the time. Sometimes you just cant help but think their name and all that means to you in a lull in the day or in your thoughts.  So here's something about that...

flora metaphorica II (The Thirty Eighth)

that's all

flora metaphorica (The Thirty Seventh)

I kinda feel like putting one some of my thoughts down on paper tonight.  Basically I'm thinking about what I consider this word love I bandy about in my head on the topic of her.  And really love isn't something I enter into lightly.  Only two woman outside of "family" have heard me say it and mean it.  Hell the first one I almost married.  But its not as simple as it once was just a simple on of switch.  leastways not with her.  She Im just going to use a metaphor, a botanical metaphor.  Consider it a seed inside a shell that will grow into an ancient tree some day, it will lay dormant till the conditions are right for it, but all the while it knows exactly what it will become.  It might not know all the twists land and gravity will work it or what limbs will fall off.  But it damn well knows its gonna grow and last and F anything that stands in its way because it has the patience to crumble mountains.  Granted the sapling we planted made this seed, if we gave it a go again it would be something new something more full, something more complex...this song kinda complements the idea

   

From Across the pond (the thirty sixth?)

She was recently asked as a lot of people are what she thought the most striking or important part of her personality was...well this song kinda sums that up, its one of the things I love about her.  And I wish for all these things, and generally when she asks for "two sugars" I know when she really "wants three"...its still funny that I do

cheeze (the thirty fourth)

Change is inevitable.  Nothing is fixed from one point of time to another, to a certain degree.  So in a sense in my head I conceive of a person as the core of who they are, and that events shape their personality their choices all those things around that.  You'll evolve, become more complex and alter over time.  So yeah She'll change, but I know the core of who she is, and from that understanding she doesn't really need to change for me to keep on loving, caring , and want to be there with her.  She just has to be her self from one moment to the next.  She's just someone I just want to talk to.  And that I seem to always be able to do now.

Here comes the cheese...Billy take it away

staring in the strom (the Thirty Third)

what more can I say about this song than that just by her being herself next to me she is a rock, my solid place.  And that the song is true

sitting up late again ( The Thirty Second)

I had one of those days today where just at least for that one day no matter how much reserve you have you are on a raw nerve. I feel...worn down? stuck? I really don't know half the time because the instant I feel I understand it and can put it into specifics it fleets away taunting me with a new nuance.  I could put it simply as the one things I want, I would do anything to have with me, I just don't know how to make sure that happens.  But sitting up next to all these books that I've read and several I want to read I couldn't help retreating inward and just thinking.  removing a few layers of distraction and then a song that sounds like how I feel today popped in from that one lyric... so just listen...For I am stuck in this waltz...

the risk of WB (the Thirty First)

Its funny when I try and sleep these nights.  I"ll lay here in the most comfortable bed I have owned, under nice blankets in a pitch black room the only light being the slow fade in and out of an orange dot of my blinking laptop. While Im struggling to find that place between reality and dream land I have to force myself to forget things about her.  Its hard to forget something seared into your own memory by intense emotions or because you hold them with intense emotion.  But I have to do it because I miss the girl, and the cigarettes, the ones that taste like Christmas but even so you hated the smell of them on your clothes afterwards, so you would always have to take a shower afterwards.  Its hard because life moves by so quickly but time with you remained its own time, not tied to the rest of the worlds flow of time. Timeless in a way that hours could slip by and you couldn't tell if it was a few minutes or a whole day or just the entire afternoon.  and now I can;t get the last afternoon we spent together out of my head.

So yeah I miss the girl and the cigarettes and despite trying to forget I think about you and things start coming back, I miss the Girl and the Cigarettes

1940's (the Thirtieth)

tonight all I feel like saying is a quote and a saying thats kinda exclusive, those who know you know and those who don't...you might someday...but probably not.

I have one cold hand and one warm one
&
Its not about the dance('n) for me it's about finding the right partner

old memories ( the Twenty Ninth)

today I'm just gonna say I love love

Day 432 ( The Twenty Eighth)

todays song...what to say.  Well I was taking a shower to pandora doing my shower dance as I am apt toe do (singing along and everything) and this song comes on.  Note the first time I heard it and not new thoughts running through my head when I hear it just reaffirming things.  Like how I would catch her if she were falling, how I really do love the tired way she stretches and says good morning in her little voice when I just lay there and wait for her to wake up being content with the world, The way she never asked me to change only just made me want to be better cause that's what she deserves from me, The way I take her the way she is not the way I want her to be with all the good bits, the bad bits, and the bloody fantastic bits.  So when you listen Im both sides of it and so was she just now she is just the thing the whole song is about and I just act out both bits in a metaphorical sense

and to spread the love and talented cover artists here's a cover of it I found nice

repetition(The Twenty Seventh)

sometimes an artists album encapsulates an idea and tone throughout the majority of its songs well...yesterdays song comes from an album like that.  Dierks just seems to keep writing them and they just keep hittin me.

This one though its something I keep wondering.  Is it gonna take me getting to that distant shore for me to not miss her anymore.  The answer I can give definitively is maybe, which has its own horns and halos.  The thing is though, She's the one who is like an anchor to my faith in a lot of things; but in a way my spiritual faith as well.  Its odd but its like if there is a god which I choose to believe and he is the God I choose to see and believe is there.  Then the way things are with my view of him is that when he puts someone like her in front of your path and lets her strum a note with your heart that resonates through your entire being in a quite way that just builds.  You fight tooth and nail for her and just keep on until...who knows cause my answer is still maybe.

Here it is without more theological discussion much to my agnostic, atheist or other readers  relief.  A song that hits me

Its what it is (the Twentysixth)

I know I don't get enough sleep but its how my mind and heart work...they keep me up if something like this isn't resolved in me.  So tonight's song, no real preamble, no real prelude.  Its just how it feels.  It is what it is.

rainstorm kinda day ( The Twentey Fifth)

Today's is a companion piece to the post for Friday(two days ago) and was going to be yesterdays except the song I heard that day took precedence.  Today though just listen to the song.  It kinda says it all. It's a whole idea wrapped up in a song and one I have every morning when I wake up and think...

Purgatory ride...not hell worthy( The Twenty Fourth)

Today was a long day of driving I was in the car for over 3 hours to drive back to Mo-Town and then pick up my laptop (FIXED) on the way back.  Along the way I had some CDs I grab from the library bag on the rush out the door.  Funnily enough they were mostly one of her favorite country artists. 

On my way I popped in one of his CDs and this song came on and almost every line describing a woman is a way I see her.  Its just one of those things like "He took a river that winds and turns/took a fire that breathes and burns/and put it all in place/in the most perfect way" that is what she's like a living inferno that's as gentle and soothing as a meandering stream. just listen and picture seeing someone that way; She Really is that way to me...

Hard times and hard choices ( the Twenty Third)

Today I have to start and deiced quickly on where my life is about to go.  College, one of the most expensive things is the main thing on the docket...I had a long conversation with my dad the one who's helping me pay for it all and right now there are three main options, go for the for the last year he pays for and then be out without his help, find a job and kill my self with a high academic load and prove I can help, or stop and work till IDK... What he doesn't realize is he took me away from the real motivator of my life, the reason I tried so hard and improved so much.  He took me away from her...

She's the one who makes me want and strive to be a better man, to be the best me.  And he never got that cause I never really told him.  I understate things far to much in real life and sometimes even on here.  This girl you keep hearing hints about, she saved me from myself just being herself, and she made me start down the road that would lead me to who I would become if only the best of me could survive.

So here it is a little bit of that idea personified and musicafied

Some magic has a shelf life...some doesn't :) (The Twenty Second)

The night before last I couldn't sleep yet again.  I caught a few winks when the sun woke up.  Not an altogether foreign occurrence, and late nights even when turning in early far to familiar.  But The next night was a night after she and I had a nice chat that started with her great new and just kept going.  And after that I think I just relaxed, hearing her voice can have that power over me.  But that night I was able to go to bed at 9:30 and actually sleep!!! Those who know me know just how rare that is.  Anyways that night I just couldn't help remembering the last night she slept beside me and the next day and then I found this song and it made me think all the harder.  I know that that next day she might not have meant it so fully but there was something there. Call it an ease of airs. 

Anyways here's today's song even though its 55 minutes into the new day I have yet to go to sleep

the version closer to where I am.

Caught up at last...I think (the Twenty-first)

Tonight Im posting an insomniacs anthem. For those of us who's minds cant stop working, in my case mostly because of her, and who's imagination continue to run rampant until hours later we pass out exhausted.  Here's something that describes those hours of imagining when mine are of a fanciful and good nature.  Also tends to be because of her.

and here is on of my favorite covers of the song

and with this I go to try and sleep again being either caught up or a day ahead...I'll do the math in the morning or if I cant sleep.

Posts from the Tardis 14 (the twentieth)

This song today is something to basically say what a part of me has the patience to do.  Also what Im trying for in a sense, for a day she asks for me by name, because I ask for her without words every time I think of her. 

maybe someday those dancing classes...

Posts from the Tardis 13 (the Nineteenth)

Sometimes its hard for a song that fits perfectly to what is going on in your head.  There was one that came close to something that happens about every night.  Unfortunately as much as I like Taylor Swift...A woman's voice can't always describe a mans longing.  And thanks to my searches though music and covers I found someone who came even closer.  So you get to here a little about what it feels like to go back to December and miss her.

Posts From the Tardis 12 (the Eighteenth)

Today I just want to say that this song is perfectly all I want.  And if she is reading this She should know that with a second try that is it to share her life and if it ends the night with merely a kiss goodnight I would be happy.  No pressure beyond that because that's one of the things I miss most. 

This song just cam along an summed up everything I want in a song.  Not depicting every detail, but letting you know them all the same.

I really don't know what else to say...

Posts from the Tardis 11 ( the Seventeenth)

Today I tried to take a nap again not because insomnia is back and kicking my ass, that's only giving me love taps. This time the reason I tried to take a nap is because my cousin was doing my sisters hair for a wedding, thus waking me up hours earlier than I would have liked.  Now I have one of the hardest times falling asleep.  This difficulty goes double for naps.  But thankfully the most infamous and spectacular she you have been hearing about has helped me be able to get to sleep easier after just the ease of us spending time together.  But in this nap I was only sorta able to take I had a few daydreams some of which I think I was fighting for something and another where I was just spending time with her.  Not doing anything special just hanging out with her.  But as the dream slowly faded away this song just was playing in my head. This is what followed me into consciousness...

Its an idea I have been toying with.  kinda an unprovable one but still if it were I think more than likely true.  If She would just open her eyes and see through mine for a minute, half a minute, 15 seconds She'd change her mind.  If she saw what I see when I look at her that is.  But it is what it is right now.  All I can do is be me, be the best ME I can be and hope things will change.

P.S. when I get behind, which I plan on never doing again after I catch up, I will only post two a day until I am caught up.  Blame it on timey wimey wibbley wobbley "things" lol

Posts from the Tardis 10 (the Sixteenth)

This time...just listen to the song, if there's someone out there you love it will stop you in your tacks in some way.  And the funny thing is I see all this when I look into her eyes, the images in her eyes and in the song.

Post from the Tardis 9 (the fifteenth)

So I got to hear her singing along to this song while she was helping me pack.  And it just kinda hit me how much I love to hear her voice.  Its like...her voice rings out like something pure to my ears.I'll try and think of a better way to put it but its a good song, both the original and the cover.  So here it be the song that sounds great from her and who's lyrics say quite a bit

And I do remember the pajamas she wore when she came into the study room to tell me to keep it down.  And I remember what she wore on our first walk together and the exact jacket I lent her because her poke a dot sweatshirt wasn't enough to stop her from getting cold.  I remember a lot of things...