There's a book series that is one of my favorite, and it starts with Ender's Game. The main character is name same as the title Ender, or Andrew. His mind figures things out and see's things others don't. About himself and bout others. Im not saying Im anywhere near where he is on that, but I try and succeed a little bit. And one thing I've realized on that is we are never as good as we think we are at our best, and far better than we think we can be at our worst. You are never as perfect as you think you are, nor as wretched or broken.
SO although my unconscious image of myself will never be perfectly accurate I can try and augment it by improving myself and my clarity of self. One of the things that you can't do is wholly blame someone for something, but you can only take responsibility for what you do yourself, even if that's setting someone up to where they dont have the best opportunity to not let themselves down or you down. Everything about human interactions are so complex and confusing that you can't eliminate anything.
With her I know I screwed up. not doing anything wrong, but by not doing things. I let things fade while I was in a different city. I realized that I should have been busting my ass to keep seeing her, keep spending time with her. There are a thousand little hicups that made things the way they are and all I can do is improve myself. To someday be pretty close to what is in my heart, no longer be the little lion man. I don't know just a thought that Im forming my life around. Alway improve even in failure, you're are never complete even when you're whole.
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